"The sense of unhappiness is so much easier to convey than that of happiness. In misery we seem aware of our own existence, even though it maybe in the form of a monstrous egotism-this pain of mine is individual, this nerve that winces belongs to me and to no other. But happiness annihilates us; we lose our identity".
The above is an exerpt from Greene's 'The End of the Affair' and it truly describes what I often feel during New Year celebrations each year eversince I've been away from home. I know this has come a tad too late but still....would you care to share?
It’s that time of the year again…the more the noise grows, the lonelier I feel.
I might sound like a despondent soul and one might say, “Look at this poor girl, can’t she be happy when all around her are partying or getting ready for one, to usher in the New Year?”
How do I explain, if at all I want to! I might feel lonely but not despondent; and if I am, I am happy with that. It’s one of those moments when one likes to feel the pain and as the sweetness of the pain grows one falls in love with it; and when that pain goes away, it feels as if part of oneself is going away with it.
I might have really tested your patience by now and you must be wondering what exactly it that I am talking about is. I am talking about that longing for home. No, it’s different from being home-sick. It’s that time I long for, that time which will never come back again. When I was small, New Year’s celebration was one occasion when we kids at home had the license to do everything we wanted, from shopping to cooking. And all that would be planned days in advance, collecting money we had saved from our pocket money, one toffee less here and one pair of clips less there. Cooking on the fire we would make outside in the courtyard, under the starry skies, for us the food would be better than any fancy fare spread out in a five star. The best part was no elders would but in, all of them would stay indoors barring coming out now and then to remind us to keep our jackets on. But who cared? The warmth inside was enough to keep us from the cold outside!
This is what I miss when the old year slips into its dusk. With all of us, siblings scattered all over the country pursuing our dreams, it’s impossible to have it all back. These fond memories would live in each of our hearts, and that pain is forever welcome for it brings with it the chance to relive those nostalgic moments.